Monday, October 13, 2008

Mike Tanton (a.k.a Tanton, T-ton)

There's little I can tell you about Tanton. It's not because I don't know him well--he's been a close friend for 15 years--but because it's classified. Tanton works for the Federal Government. He leads the type of secret life that you only read about in spy novels. He lived at my apartment in NYC for a while and I let him practice his self-defense moves on me. He was able to knock me down using only his thumb. In return he let me wear his gas mask to the convenience store to buy a pack of gum.

I've seen Tanton's cop skills in action a couple times. One time in particular was when we were staying at a friend's place in Long Island. A drunk and disorderly (cop term) had been pool hopping and wandered into the house. Tanton wrestled with him and screamed "I am a cop." Meanwhile, I was searching the home for a camera in hopes to capture this dangerous event on film. The slippery guy kept squirming out of Tanton's clutches. Tanton eventually took the perp down and booked him. Truth is he may have me snipered for telling you that story.

Tanton has always been interested in foreign affairs--he's dated girls from all over the world. In college, after he got tired of American girls, he left and lived in Italy while others were scared to leave campus. Shortly after graduation, Tanton began his life as an international man of mystery. He has traveled extensively and had amazing experiences. His job conjures envy and fear at the same time. He's been to places on the map that most of us can't pronounce. You talk with Tanton and you say to yourself, "Wow. I need to read more." Tanton is fun to be around and has a smart sense of humor. He's a great conversationalist, even in Italian since he speaks it fluently. Oh, and he's recently engaged too. Of course, there are secrets that even Tanton can't hide. He's one of the only Americans who loves hockey and he has one of the worst tattoos ever. It's a caveman-like character with a lacrosse stick. It's on his lower back. Actually, I'm kidding, it's on his ankle. Ask him to roll up his tux pant leg and show it to you. Do it cautiously. Remember, he has been trained in several forms of self-defense, and who knows what else.

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